Because I Love Myself More Than That
I’m reminded of a conversation I had with another mom about snacks back when my son was a toddler. In reference to a particular type of…
I’m reminded of a conversation I had with another mom about snacks back when my son was a toddler. In reference to a particular type of mass-produced off the shelf grocery snack for little kids, she said she doesn’t allow her kids to eat them.
“I love my son more than that.”
More than five years later, I finally understand what she meant. My initial indignant thought back then was, “are you suggesting I don’t love my kids?” In reality, I didn’t fully understand her statement.
It has become clear in recent years that I struggle with this idea of self-love. If I’m being completely honest, I know I’ve ever truly loved myself. Sure, on an intellectual level I know I’m worthy of love and belonging. But somewhere deep inside I know that I have had no idea on what loving myself actually looked like.
Until this morning.
It’s a Sunday, and like any other weekend morning, I like to lie in bed for a while and let my mind wander. I am both present and reflective. I am thinking of the week ahead. Of my kids and how I can best support them.
As I pondered what kind of nutritious meals I would prepare for them this week I remembered that conversation from so many years ago.
It’s important to me that my kids eat healthy meals and snacks. For the most part, I do not buy off-the-shelf products for their lunches. I’m not perfect and yes, they do eat that stuff from time to time, but it’s not the first choice. Because I love them more than to allow them to fill their bodies with over-processed food.
And then it hit me, what do I do for myself that demonstrates my love and appreciation for myself?
I’m reassured that there are steps I’ve taken in my life over the past few years that demonstrate my love for myself. That I have begun to honour myself.
I love myself by eating well
I used to eat unconsciously. I would drink Coke and eat at fast-food restaurants at least once per week (usually more.) I would eat tons of cheese and deep-fried and rich foods. Through trial and error I’ve learned that I cannot tolerate most dairy. I now fill my plate with fruits and vegetables and whole grains. Yes, I “fall off the wagon” now and then, but that is the exception now. Not the rule. And cheat days are ok from time to time. I don’t berate myself for those decisions any longer.
I love myself by giving back
I’m asking myself, “how can I help?” on a more consistent basis. I’m finding opportunities to give back to my community. My friends. For so long I’ve been self-involved. Time to turn the lens around.
I love myself by taking care of my mental health
I no longer rely on spending money, eating junk food, drinking alcohol or having sex to numb challenging emotions. My biggest barrier right now is technology addiction.
Loving myself would look like putting the phone down and engaging in the world around me.
All those activities have a time and a place, but I want to do all these things with intention and moderation.
I love myself by getting in touch with my spirituality
I have taken up meditation and writing as outlets for managing stress. I sit alone in silence and express gratitude every day.
I love myself by being active
When I reflect on where I was vs. what I’m capable of now, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Physical activity was never a priority for me growing up. I was not encouraged to join sports or other athletic pursuits. This carried through into my teens and 20’s. It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I started taking steps (quite literally) to build fitness into my routine.
Today, I’m proud to say that I’ve run two short races, completed a sprint triathlon, hiked up a huge volcano and more.
Yet I still struggle with this one.
I am still working on making this a consistent practice. More often than not I make excuses for why I didn’t attend a Parkrun or go for a bike ride or hit the gym. Or simply stretch at home or take part in a yoga session.
Loving myself would look like acknowledging the excuses, but doing it anyway.
Loving myself would look like being kind to myself on the days where I need a break. And not beating myself up for not working out. But picking back up the next day.
I love myself by establishing better boundaries
I’m learning how to ask for what I want without feeling guilty or worrying that I’ll be judged. I’m learning to listen to the quiet voice inside and give to others without sacrificing my own needs.
I will love myself by learning how to have fun again
I’ve been thinking about this one a lot lately. Reflecting on times where I’ve felt very much alive and lost in the moment.
I want to be fun. Have fun. I know I can be fun.
I’m starting to understand what loving myself really looks like. I’m a very literal person and I need concrete examples to understand how to apply concepts to real life.
I know that loving myself will be an adventure that I will always be on. There’s no destination, but rather a growing realization that I can love myself through the good and the bad.
I’m excited to be on this journey of self-love. I’m excited to lead by example and be a positive influence on my kids and their opinions of themselves. I am grateful for the insight I’ve gained because now I can pass this knowledge on to them through my love for myself.
Because I love them more than that.
Thanks for reading ❤